It’s gotten tiresome
The enveloping self-hatred
And paralyzing hurt
That sets the tone for that moment in our relationship
Until I suppose you decide
To get us back on track.
We can be wonderful for a while
Teasing moments or serious conversations
Simply enjoying each other’s company
But overnight, the dynamics can change
To barely there eye contact and forced conversation
Only when necessary
And when it’s convenient,
I can’t I exist to you any longer.
Every time this change occurs
I’m left going over every word and every action
That was said and done around you
To try and understand what it was
That I did wrong
And the self-hatred sets in
Then I see how differently you treat every other person, while exiling me
And the hurt sets in.
I have told myself every time, I think
That the next tile will be different, I won’t place myself in that position again
Yet something about the way you treat me, when it’s good
Pulls me back towards you with a force that I find impossible to resist.
It’s almost as if you manage to pull me back into this loop
Right before I am able to find the nick
Thought which I can find my way out.
A donor heart beating in a mechanical system which keeps it warm, oxygenated, with nutrient enriched blood pumping through.
sorry followers if I creeped anyone out but I had to reblog this, it’s so cool
it’s so fascinating I love it
Heart in a box.